Thursday, 2 June 2011


Quote: i let myself believe miracles can happen, now i have to pretend i dont care.

So....This is going to be the last post i make before i go on holiday. I return on the 11th June, so will try and post as soon as possible once i am back.

I've been ok recently, kind of getting over the train incident, but every time i see a train or hear a train i start to well up and cry, so im avoiding going to the station for buses. I choose the other stops.

I went on quite a binge the other day, and really thought i would have put on weight when i went to my GP this afternoon, but NO!!!! I was still the same!! 106lb, BMI 16.8! Fabulous stuff. While im on holiday with my friend we get breakfast and dinner included, so im thinking of having some fruit for breakfast, skipping the lunch (saying ive not got much money to buy anything) and then choosing a little something at dinner, but then saying i dont like it. Im gonna use this holiday to lose weight, but have a good time too!! Hope i can be down 2 or 3lb :s

So, stay strong everyone
miss you all!!
Love Me x x

Monday, 23 May 2011

Fast - Day 1

Quote: Hunger hurts, but starving works

Firstly i need to say that i wont be able to post again until thursday as i am jam packed with work and babysitting, with of course the gym sessions in there too.

So after my 3 day long binge, i am now fasting :D I have gone (so far) 24hours with no food, only 400ml of water and a good workout of 800cals and 500cals burnt through my day. Im feeling so strong!!

I came home in my lunch break to avoid sitting in the staff room, but i went to my frigde and took out the jelly (3cals). I opened it, put the spoon in and held it to my mouth. Then.....NO NO NO, i siad to myself!! I cleaned the spoon and cling filmed over the jelly and put it back in the fridge. I even went in to Asda to buy some more Dulcolax and browsed all the food, i picked food up, put it back, picked food up, put it back, brought the Dulcolax and walked off home. Without a single food purchase!! I know if i brought one thing it would lead to another, and then a binge.

So i weighed this morning at 105.2, and this evening im 104.4lb!! I've lost since this morning and i've not managed that for ages!! I'm over the moon.

Stay strong and skinny guys and girls
post on thursday
x x x

Friday, 20 May 2011


Quote: You are only a failure if you feel like a failure

I have so much 'uncontrolable' things happen to me this week, that i knew it was only a matter of time before i binged big style

1) Ryan turned all funny on me, with no space to make a relationship work
2) My mum!! Yes my mum, went in to my room and emptied my bins. There would have been lax and water pill packets, plus s/h plasters that she must have seen. (its not the first time she's nosied in my room, doesnt understand the word PRIVACY!!)
3) My massage got cancelled and i was so looking forward to relaxing for 1hr

So, you can see how it mounted up. Then all came tumbling out today. Here's what i ate, you're gonna be shocked, and you can truely tell me that im fat greedy cow, cos i sure do feel like one.

Yoghurt - 175
White bread - 120

Chicken wrap - 260
Minstrels - 211
Grapes - 32

Ice-cream - 260
Chocolate caramel slice - 289
Ham and cheese sandwich - 315
Chicken and pesto panini (1/2) - 200
Chocolate muffin - 300

Absolutely masses, and i've just weighed in -im 106.6, 3.6lb up from this morning (taken 16 lax, that will help tomorrow). This now will signal the start of a fast down to 100lb!! The thought of any food is repulsive right now.

Wish me luck with it,
I'm gonna be strong and do this!!!

Stay stronger than me people x x

Tuesday, 17 May 2011


Quote: The world crashed down around her

Hospital not so sure why i was actually scared. Lol. The lady was so nice and we 'clicked' from the begining. She said she had looked through my file, but thought it was be nice if i could talk her through whats going on with me at the i spent 1hr talking again (to the 8th person i've seen in 3 yrs) about what is going on with me. She wasnt patronising, wasnt cross/annoyed with me for any of my behaviours and even when i mentioned about the s/h she said if thats one of my ways of coping, for now she can give me infomation on how to keep it 'safe'. I'll be seeing her for 1hr every Tuesday afternoon, hope i continue to 'click' with her. She is similar to my old hospital therapist and i was so sad when she left at christmas :( So it should all work out good.

The man
The conversation goes like this Me "hope the traffic wasnt so bad getting home, was nice to see you again". Him - "haha, no it was fine. Was good seeing you, too". Me - "would you like to meet up again sometime?".........HIM - "i'm sorry, but my life is really messed up right now and i dont think i can bring anyone else in on it. I think you're a great girl, but i've got way too many problem in my head to try to make something work right now"

I dont understand it at all, everything was fine when i saw him that first night and he asked for my number, then when i saw him on saturday it went really well. I feel like he's just played me as a fool!!

Binge/purge and s/h
And because of the above, i completely binged cos i felt so worthless and stupid for allowing myself to even think someone may actually like me. I've had 2000ish calories and only burnt of 600 (cos i dint make the gym), I've purged more times than i want to admit, but because i ate pastry, chocolate, wrap , its not coming up easily so i've taken quite a few lax and water pills. I s/h too, because i then felt horrible with myself for binging when i should have fasted the pain away instead, one day i will learn. Now i know i will be looking at a gain on the scales both tonight and tomorrow morning :'(

Stay strong and skinny
x x

Monday, 16 May 2011

Tumbling Down

Quote: Never stop until YOU want to!

So, my weight is going down and down, as i intented!! I've hit the gym the last 3 days and burnt 1300cals. Although i did eat 1130 (sat), 596 (sun) and then today....just 295!! Finally under the 300 calorie mark :) Whoop Whoop!! I have cut ties with one of my ana buddy yesterday, because all of a sudden she is telling me to stop and to eat 1500 cals a day, and exercise less!! I dont want to :(

I was so sure i would gain sunday morning after eating so much saturday. The reason being i was on my date :D I have a lovely time with him and he choose the resturant (Gourmet Burger Kitchen), i was completely thrown!! No salads!! But they had the option of 'smaller' size burger and chips. So had the 'smaller' chicken burger and fries. I ate the chicken and 1/2 the bun, then about 1/4 of the chips. He ordered a milkshake, and for some reason i wanted to be the same so i ordered a milkshake too, but only drank 1/2 of it. We both had a nice time together and think we'll see each other again :) I got home with time to spare before babysitting, so i hit the gym and burnt it all off, but im affraid to say, i had to purge too.

ARGH!! My hospital appointment has come round so so quick, its now tomorrow :( I looked back through my ana diary to work out how many times i've exercised over the last 28 days, i though it was something like 16...but no...its 21, Taken lax every day, binged/purged 6 times, 16 days of 8 hour gap between eating, Only know what they will think to all that :S I'll try to post tomorrow night and let you know how it goes, if not i'll post wednesday

Stay strong and get skinny
x x x

Saturday, 14 May 2011


Quote: Anything is better than nothing!

I'm at a new lowest weight!! Im 104.2, cant believe it. After i binged last saturday and tuesday and getting to 108.8 (sun morning), i thought i would take me for ever to even get back to where i was before the binge.

Admittedly i have gone double hard on the workouts going up 100cals each time. I did 1300 on monday and made it 1800 yesterday. I finally hit 900cals in the gym, i do 45mins on the treadles, 10mins on the stairmaster, 20mins on the cross-trainer. I'll be doing that every time now. The only reason i made 1800 was because i walked 9miles in my day on a outing, so normally through my day i'll burn 600cals.

My plan is now 900 in the gym, 600 in my day and that will get to a nice rounded number of 1500cals. I'm only going to allow myself to eat when i actually feel hungry, and then i will only eat fruit and veggies. Im gonna keep taking the water pills cos otherwise i just store water like an elephant and i'll take 2 lax for every 100cals that i eat. I want to hit 98lb by the 4th june (my holiday). Hope i can do it!!

Meeting with Ryan today, he text and asked if i want to meet for lunch or something. I said yeah that would be nice, so he is ringing me at noon to arrange what we do. If its lunch i shall just have a salad. Thats another reason why i am so happy, im at my lowest weight for a first date :D

Im pleased the positives from the last post helped some of you, i never even thought of things like that until i was working out after my last binge, lol. Keep remembering them :)

Stay strong and skinny
Love me

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Down in 3

Quote: see the positive in everything

The positive of bingeing: my body wont crave food tomorrow
The positive of purging: getting rid of the binge
The positive of exercise: burning of the calories
The positive of restricting: feeling empty

I though of those while i was in the gym because i binge last night on 2030 cals!! EXTREME BINGE. I mucked up at lunch time and then thought fuck it, dont bother going to the gym and i binged some more, but then Ana kicked in and i went to the gym exercised til i got a blister on my heal that killed and i burnt 1400 though my day (700 in the gym). I purged when i got home too, took some lax and it was completely worth it. I was down 0.8lb this morning. Making a loss of 3lb since sunday morning!!!

Today i've had 633cals to eat and i've been to the gym again. I pushed myself today and burnt 850 while i was there, plus i've done 650 through my day, so i will see another loss again tomorrow. I had planned to fast, but i cant seem to stick to it, so as im exercising loads i think i'll just keep my calories as low as i possibly can. 633, is a bit more than i's ideally like so im think 400cals a day and 400ml liquid. Sorted :)

Also thank you to everyone for your wishes of good luck and support with appointments and the dinner date at the weekend. I havent heard from Ryan since sunday, i text last so i dont really want to text again incase i come across as 'pushy' lol.

At the GP tomorrow, lets see what she says this time. Last time she was so patronising to me and made me feel like a small child being subborn. I'll inform you all on friday

Take care, stay skinny
Love me x x

Monday, 9 May 2011

The Wedding

Quote: Put the past behind you and move on forward

Probably 107lb by the time this was took

So, the wedding that i had to wear the blue dress for arrived and on the morning of it i was exactly 105lb and i was very pleased...but then i started to panic for some unknown reason. I kept thinking 'do i look ok?', 'what will people think of me?', 'whats the food gonna be?', 'will people watch me eat?' loads and loads of questions and it then triggered a slight binge and i ended up eating a cheese and bacon pasty (504cals), pineapple jelly (100cals), chocolate croissant (350cals), so i was way way over my cal limit all ready and this was only at 11am!!!

Come the evening when i was at the wedding the had a buffet style thing at 5pm and because people where around i didnt take much (that and i still felt sick from my binge). I had a slice of turkey, 2 new potatoes, tomatoes, cucumber - which is ok. Then MORE food came at 10pm and i had a tiny square of pizza, 2 sausage rolls, piece of quiche and 1/4 pork pie. Not forgetting 3 diet cokes with Malibu and a glass of Buck Fizz!!

All that food a drink made me weight 108.8 the next morning - up a MASSIVE 3.8lb!! I cried and cried. Why do allow myself to binge and put on the weight, yet if someone was to had me something and say "eat this" i wouldnt be able to. I took 12 lax, 6 water pills and 1 OEP yesterday - made me down 0.2lb!! CRAP

I went in to town afterwards with Kim and we were walking to the taxi rank and she decided McDonalds was calling us so we walked to McDonalds (she had food - i stayed clear). While we were walking it was pouring with rain and this random guy asked her offered her his shirt, but he didnt actually have one to give! Lol. Then i said i was cold, and his friend took off his shirt and gave it to me :D We chatted, and i found out he's 23yr, in the military, and has a pent house. I was gonna leave so i gave him his shirt back and he asked for my number!! I gave it to him and he text me last night asking to take me to dinner this weekend!! I said "yeah, im free. That will be really nice". But left thinking 'i really like this guy, but what/how can i eat in front of him?'. Plus i dont want this to trigger another binge and me gain weight before i see him again.

Today has been so much better im on track and not looking back!! Only had 262cals, burnt off 1300 (700 in the gym, 600 through my day) and im not even feeling hungry!! I've just weighed myself this evening and i'm 108.6 (last night i was 110.2) so im down 1.6lb!! GET IN THERE. Exercise is my way to go, with a few lax and water pills of course. I'm going to get through tomorrow on 35cals (jelly - 3, grapes - 32), because i cant get to the gym as im working late. How ever, i will do aerobics in my room :)

Out-patients appointment is only 1wk away, i got the comfirmation letter through on saturday along with a questionnaire for me to fill in and take along with me. I filled it in before so it wont take me long. It has questions like 'how many times in the last 28 days have you....restricted, gone for 8hrs without eating, purged, used laxatives, exercised, binged' and then loads more about 'how do you feel about your shape, weight, not weighing yourself every day'. All joyful things  - not, lol

Hang in there all of you, thank you so so much for all your lovely support! it means so much to me!!

Stay strong and skinny
x x x

Friday, 6 May 2011

Out-Patients :(

Quote: One day i will look at myself in the mirror and like what i see

Well. . . appointments have come up :( SO suddenly too, because when i emailed last month they said it would be a 4mth wait (fine by me) and then mum ring on tuesday, the hospital has a team meeting the next, they ring back and give me an appointment for the 17th May @ 9.30am!!

I'm not sure how i feel to be completely honest because i know they will want me to gain weight, but i dont want to just yet, i haven't got thin enough, i've not meet my goal :'( I'm thinking i will go ahead with them (it will make things easier at home too) but not always do as they ask. I'm not fussed if i get in to trouble, haha. Weight loss is the most important thing right now!!

I go away on the 4th June and i have set myself to be 98lb by then, its one month away and im 105.4 now. Makes it 7.4lb to loss in a month :S i best get cracking on with it!! Gym every night, calories under 300.

Got to wear the blue dress tomorrow, i am down 2.2lb from when i first tried it on, so i guess thats not too bad :S but it could have been a lot better.

Have a great weekend all, and i will post again on Monday
Stay strong x x

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Past 3 days

Quote: Its doesnt matter how slow you go, as long as you DONT stop!

So, my past 3 days goes like this:
Food       Liquid      Exercise       Negative Cals
489         500ml      1100              -611
695         400ml      1250              -595
486         400ml      1100              -614

As you can see, im pretty on track with burning of what ive eaten, and a lot more!!
I hadnt planned to go on the second night, but i ate a tuna roll and was sitting at home thinking about it and feeling so guilty that i ate it. I weighed myself and i'd gained 0.6lb, so there was my decission made...HIT THE GYM! And i did, losing the 0.6lb that i put on! Thank goodness for that. Think i would have cut if i hadnt gone to the gym, my thoughts were completely on the food.

One thing im realising is, work through the pain!! It does go eventually. I got a stitch half way through my workout, but had done no where near enough so i continued through it and it eased off. I kept saying to myself 'the pain is the fat melting away'. My sound stupid, but it kept me going :)

My mum's rang the hospital today and told them that i've lost more weight and she want to chase up when my appointment will be. Yes, i'll go to appointments (to please my mum) but i wont listen to commit to what they ask of me. Thin is what i want, Thin is what i will get!!!

I've got to lose another 2lb by saturday, thats when i have to wear my blue dress :S Hopefully i can do it!!

Stay strong everyone,
Love me x x

Sunday, 1 May 2011


Quote: Thin is beauitul, fat is never

I just wanna start by saying how sorry i am for not being around for you guys and commenting on your posts, but keep going everyone. If you've had blips you CAN and WILL get over them.

So...ive not been around for a few days because i had some terrible terrible binges!! I went from 104.8 - 107.6!! then up again the next night to 108.6!! I felt fat, sick, horrible, guilty. So i didnt think it would be wise to post, it would have only been all negative.

But back on losing!! Back to 106.2 this morning, and fasting until i lose 7lb. Well i'll try to fast, but may just be servere restriction. Hitting the gym each day and burning 400cals (more if i can) while im there. That combined with a days work, lax, and water pills, i should get there soon - ish.

Mum keeps making comments yesterday and today, saying how she feels sick to look at me and that im stick thin, need to fight back and get rid of Ana before i lose all my friends. I dont want to fight with Ana, she is the one thing that i can rely on. All my friends let me down time and time again anyway, so im not fussed if they leave me. Ana is STAYING!!!

Thank you for all your kind support in my last post!!
Stay strong everyone!!


Tuesday, 26 April 2011

25/04/11 & 26/04/11

Quote: Not eating light, will make your clothes too tight!!

I broke my fast today, i had planned to but not to eat as many calories as i did. We went to the seaside for the day, and i made it all the way through til about 2pm with only 150ml of apple juice. I was quite pleased. goes bad. Dad went and brought ice-creams, i said so 'no' so he took if off me, took some of the ice-cream for himself and then shoved it back at me!! I had 3 licks and could feel the cold dairy in my stomach! im not good with pure dairy at the best of times - so ice-cream was BAD!! I felt sick, bloated, pure ewwww. I took 4 lax and 4 water pills.

But i came home and started to binge :'( I had 1 small easter egg. I did manage to stop myself, because i didnt want to ruin my weight anymore than i had done. When i weighed myself tonight, i was down 0.2lb from last night. Not very good at all!!!

I burnt of 550 through my day

ARGH!!!! Im up 0.4lb, how could i have been so foolish and gave in to the ice-cream. That started the whole spiral off. Stupid thing. And then....Cos i was disappointed i ate 1/2 a small easter egg for brekkie then some plain bread - 405cals in one sitting! FAT is coming my way.

That wasnt the end of it. At lunch i went to the shop, only planned to buy a diet coke, but brought a cheese sandwich, sponge cake and some rolos. I dont know what came over me, i could stop myself buying them. I ate 1/2 of each thing and then threw the rest away - this is miles better than i normally do. Normally i'd eat the whole intire lot. I think it was about 650cals i ate there. more :D i've ate nothing since 12pm, and its not 8pm. Not even feeling hungry and not going to give in if i do. I went to the gym after work and burnt 450 while i was there, i had to stop after 50mins cos of my chest again, so i've done some aerobics now that im home :D

In total i've burnt 1150cals and eaten 1055. Taken lax and water pills, to counter-act my wrong doings. Not a fabulous day. Tomorrow WILL be better.

Take care everyone, stay strong x x

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Heat Wave

Quote: Skip dinner, end up thinner

O.M.G!! think i may have over-done the gym last night 475 burnt in there, and 670 through out my day (1120). I felt terrible when i got home, like someone was pushing down on my chest. Werent nice, but i woke up this morning and the pain is gone, im down 0.8lb, so all is OK.

My family have gone out for a 'Easter Lunch' and i decided not to go (think of the calories in a meal!!) so i've got the house to myself. I've been sunbathing, and its come to lunch time. I went to the fridge took out pineapple, grapes, then the cupboard and took out ricecakes (114cals), put them all in a bag and throw them in the bin. I made sure i hid them well underneath other stuff. I'm walking to my friends house which is 3.5miles away, so i'll be sure to burn a lot of calories :)

I'm quite pleased i've changed my goal weight, 105lb is no where near thin enough!!

Stay strong everyone!!

Thank you for all you lovely comments on my posts, they really spur me on :D

P.S, here is me in the dress, i'll be thinner on the day!!

Saturday, 23 April 2011

Stay Strong

Quote: Dont give in, even when you think you cant carry on!

Great day so far, woke and im another pound down. Ive changed my GW and UGW because i am 0.8 away from my goal (105) and i still feel fat, so ive lowered it :)

Gone for a nice long walk today and burnt off 400cals. Going for a swim later, and had only 143cals (pineapple, grapes and teeny piece of chocolate). Taking in no more calories today :)

Sorry this post is short, next one will be longer.


Friday, 22 April 2011

Good day :)

Quote: is food more important than happiness?? I think not!!

YIPPEE!! Ive had a good day, down another 1 pound this morning, really am starting to love seeing the numbers dropping each time i weight!!

I woke up this morning and only planned to swap around my hoodies with more summery clothes, i did this and then i ended up having a really long cleaning and tidying frenzy in my room for 4hrs!! i rearranged, dusted, sorted, then sorted some more. Lol. Made up 4 bags of rubbish. Once i started it, i just had to continue until it was all perfectly finished. Plus i was thinking of the calories i was burning too :)

Its so hot today, took a stroll to the cinema...and only took enough money to buy my ticket so that i wasnt tempted to buy any food. Boy, it felt good to sit down, but i jiggled my feet about it. lol. People were eating ice-cream/popcorn/nachos, the smells were all around me - so that became my 'eating', but not a single thing went in my mouth! Strength

Ok so the damage today is:
Lunch: 111
Dinner: 190

I've burnt 350 so far (not where near enough), and ive still got my aerobics workout to do before i go to bed later, so i few more will be gone then :)

Stay strong people!!

X x X

Thursday, 21 April 2011

20/04/11 & 21/04/11

Quote: When one goal is achieved, it opens a door to another

I broke my lowest weight this morning, but i wasn't actually as happy as i thought i would be, i was think i could have done better and will do better.

My friend and I werent meant to go to the gym but i was feeling so rough, all my limbs were heavy and i felt drained, that i thought about cancelling. I got out of work and had a text saying she was cancelling. So that was it, I went, i'm not a good enough person to go with, so prehaps when i am thinner, she will want to go to the gym with me.

I burnt off 500cals in the gym and 700 walking about through out the day (1200 total) and had eaten 445 cals for the day. Still need to get the knack of eating less.

I've done it again, made another new lowest weight!! and this time i am happier, ive never been this weight before.

I was awake all night for some reason, til 5.30am and got 1hr 30mins sleep before i was up for work. Didnt make for a very good 'feeling' day. I felt like constantly crying, but i wouldnt know what i would be crying about, so i didnt bother letting myself. I just put all my focus to food and thinking of the gym!!

I burnt of 900cals and have eaten 415cals. My calories are slowly depleating day-by-day. I could have burnt more of had i walked 20mins to and from the gym, but my friend came and picked me up :(

The OEP seems to be helping me shift the weight quicker i think, that and the added exercise i am doing.

My dress came today!! I tried it on, its perfect. I took a photo of myself in it (side view) and show my Mum, she couldn't tell which side was my back and which side was my that stomach is flat (not flat enough) without me breathing in!!

Stay strong everyone!!

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

18/04/11 & 19/04/11

Quote: Only a fool forgets their gym trousers!

So yesterday...i went shopping with my mum (she knows about my ed) and she decided it was time was a drink and cake!! She made me choose something, i was a bit frantic (in my head) because i couldnt tell what calories were in the cakes, i had to guess. I went for shortbread (think it was the healthiest thing there!!) and had a little carton of apple juice. My friend had planned for us to go for a panini up our local cafe for dinner, but i was sneaky and said "i've had a big lunch, so im not hungry" she belived and let me not eat.

My gym buddie then rang and wanted to go to the gym, so we went to the gym at 8.30pm!!! did a really good workout and burnt a total of 1110cals for the day, but with 760 eaten :(

Today...i woke up and i had gained 0.4lb, it could be water, or muscle or food, but either way, i shouldnt have gained. I did the wrong thing this morning and ate some chocolate, but then just had some pineapple and grapes at lunch :) I wanted to go to the gym again, so i told a 'white lie' to my mum and said "sarah wants me to go with her" she was fine, and let me go!! But just before i went i had more chocolate - weighed myself 110.2lb!! - gained 0.6lb since this morning. NOT GOOD!!!

anyhow, i walked to the gym, went to get changed...and there was NO trousers in my bag!! I'd forgotten to pack them! How could i be so silly, and not check. I felt like a right fool walking back out of the gym only 2mins after i walked in there. So having ate 570cals today i knew i needed to do something, so i went on a really long walk home (90mins instead of the quick 15mins) and by the time i'd got home i'd burnt 720!! YEA...over what i'd eaten, and i weighed again - back to 109.6lb RESULT!!

I've been speaking with a couple of buddies, and im thinking...on the days i go to the gym/long walk i can eat (as little as possible) and the days i dont go to the gym/long walk, then i wont eat. Seems simple enough to follow...if i can

My friend is getting married on the 7th May, and i brought my dress yesterday!! It fits perfect, so there is no space for me to gain weight, but if i can loss some, then it will fit a little loose. Its my inspiration, hanging on my wardrobe door, for me to see each and every morning!!

Starting back on the OEP today, every little to help with weight loss :)

Take care everyone!!
Jo x x

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Feeling good

Quote: Don't.....give.....up

And i certainly did not give up today!! I woke up, weighed in and i was exactly 110lb, brought a little smile to my face and set me up for a good day :)

So, i had my first session at the gym!! And i LOVED it, i burnt (in total) 438cals while i was there and walking around today i've burnt off 240!! Added together makes 678. I went in this machine called 'Teadles', its twice the workout of a treadmill and thats where i used most of my calories. The rowing machine and bikes killed my legs and i was half tempted to give in, but i stuck at it and continued. Pleased afterwards that pushed myself. Plus i've only had 181cals, and 100ml of apple juice.

Pineapple - 62
Half a packet of pretzels - 48
Jelly - 10
Pancake - 61

All healthy and ok stuff.

Stay strong everyone (sorry the post is short)
x x

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Not thin enough!

We are all equal

Quote: You can NEVER be too thin

Im back at the weight i was before i binged on thursday, which i am happy about, but not as happy as i thought i would be. I don't feel as 'pleased' i did then i saw the number the first time around. I spent 30mins this morning analising myself in the mirror, breathing in, breathing out, stretching up, pinching and pulling, yet i am still gross!!! and why?? because i am fat, thats why. I'm going to banish this excess weigh!!

I was dreading today, my friend asked me out for a meal, but i got a text this morning saying she was ill and had to cancel, i was so relieved, its meant i have been able to eat 570 cals all day, (but i could have had none) and my 350ml of liquid. There will be a loss again tomorrow.

I've got my induction at the gym tomorrow and then doing a session after it too, so i'll be all worked out :) I'm staying there until i burnt 900 cals (3 times the amout of cals i'll have eaten). And i will do that everyday, come rain or shine, i will walk to the gym and work work work!!!

Stay strong everyone x x

Friday, 15 April 2011


Firstly...Thank you PollyAnna and Dani for your kind comments on my last post. And hello to knew followers :)

Quote: If it was easy, everyone would be thin

ARHG!! I binged yesterday, completely and utterly binged. I could feel the food sitting right under my ribs and burst out my belly. A horrible feeling, that i wont forget in a hurry!! I dont even know what came over me, i just when to the shop and brought loads of fat food,

Chicken wrap
Belgium cookie
Cheese and onion pasty
Lindt chocolate buny

the worst foods possible.

And after me and my friend when for dinner at Pizza Hut!! i had a low cal pizzette thingy and a hot apple toffee pudding with 2 diet cokes!!

I just had to purge when i got home, and felt a bit relieved when i did my evening weight and only gained 2lb, normally it would have been at least 3lb. I did take quite a few lax.

Then this morning...Im up 1lb, but i've stuck to my plan and not even feeling hungry!! Im not eating another thing until my stomach rumbles!!

Also...i've joined a gym with a friend, we're going every night!! She need to loss her belly and i need to loss what ever i can loss!!

have thin thoughts


Wednesday, 13 April 2011


Quote: You've come to far to take orders from a cookie

Haha, i was a sneak last night!! my dad said he was going for a walk up the road (its about 20mins) so i said i'd join him, make me burn more calories was my thought, and it worked. I was down 1lb last night (111.8lb)

and i then weighed this morning and i was 111lb exactly :) quite pleased considering the failure that i had :(

But lunch...i took orders from a belgium chocolate cookie and a raspberry with white chocolate muffin, then banoffe sundae at tea!! Damn my head, why cant i stick to my plan more firmly and loss more quickly!! I've punished myself and taken some lax, then did my evening weight....and surprisingly its still the same as it was this morning!! so either my scales are playing tricks on me or im really am down 0.8lb since last night :S hmmm....

I wrote out my food plan for the weeks ahead, and im going to pin it on my wall and stick to it. it goes like this:

Brekkie: Pineapple in juice - 62, 0.1
Lunch: Grapes (50g) - 32, 0.05
Dinner: Jelly - 8, 0
          Scotch Pancake - 61, 1.4

Total for each day: 163cal, 1.55g fat
Or without pancake: 102cal, 0.15g fat

Stay stong and than thin thoughts :)

x x


Tuesday, 12 April 2011


Quote: Hunger hurts, but starving works!!

Why did i do it?? Why Why Why?? I let myself slip yesterday. It all started out so well with 104 cals at breakfast, then 16 at lunch. But then it went wrong. I was asked to do a baking activity with the children in nusery and we made bread. Well that was it, i was nibbling on bread ALL afternoon, bread is my major downfall!! I was hating myself while i was secretly nibbling, but i couldn't stop. I did, however, come home after work and only have 10 cals!!

But the damn stayed in me, adding 1lb on me last night, then was still in me this morning making me up 0.4lb from yesterday morning!! So that put me in the right mood for a fight with food today!!

And today has been better, 349 cals!! only 49 over my 300 target, and i stuck to 300ml of liquid too!! I just weighed in and im the same weight as i was this morning, so i've not gained today!! Bonus. Although, it may possibly have something to do with the quite a few lax i took last night :S but still. And so far i've burnt off 360!! just walking around, so im in negative calories!!

More days like this are sure to follow, i will make them follow :)

Stay strong everyone
x x

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Before and During

Before weight loss - 140lb

With weight loss - 112lb

Its going to happend

DayWeightCalories UsedYour Calorie Deficit

If i stick to 300cals a day, these are the weights i should reach each week :)


Quote: Calories CAN NOT make you happy!!!

And they jolly well havent!! They've made gain 2lb!! And im feeling fat and frumpy. It is my own fault, i know, i gave in and ate (added it all up to be 1728cals)!! Then it was my friends birthday so we all went out drinking in the evening so i've gained water weight too. Just bloody brilliant. Fucking body is a mess right now. I didnt have my pedometor on either so i've no idea how much i burnt off through the day and through dancing :s

I broke my rules yesterday 1) eating after 5pm 2) drinking more than 300ml of liquid 3) eating no more than 300 cal. So tomorrow i am starting a fast for as long as i can last!! Im doing it with a buddy, so we can both support each other and not fail or fall. We're going to reach our goals sooner rather than later. Summer is fast approaching and we need to look thin!!

I've all ready mucked up today at eaten 730 cals which was a whole easter egg and a chocolate bar :'( i have purged so im hoping it wont have effected me too much, and im having no more food!! Food is gone!! Food is an enemy!!

Take care all

x x

Friday, 8 April 2011

Back on Track

Quote: Dont give in to what you want at the moment, for what you want in the future!

Oh my days, bad bad few days. Admittedly i have still been losing weight, but not as much as i could have been if i'd have been strict with myself. I totally wasnt. Wednesday i ate 1675 cals and yesterday i ate 1120 cals!! A massive amount over what i would have liked!! Plus it was crap food i was eating (cookies, chocolate, wraps) And i only burnt off 600 cals each day! CRAP times

But on track, only 549 cals!! under the 700 cal limit i set myself for today!! im impressed that i managed to do, i really thought i would give in to my wants and cravings, but no!!!! Ana saved me and im thankful. Means for a good loss tomorrow morning when i weigh - in.

Im feeling strong again, no giving in to food!!

Stay strong peeps!!

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Not Giving Up!

Quote: The more hungry you are, the more fat you burn

i was surprised with my weight this morning! Down 1.2lb!! results are starting now. So i started of my day by loving the hungry feeling and making sure i kept that feeling all the way til lunch time :)

I keep almost caving in, so badly to scoffing loads of chocolate, bread, yoghurts (but thats Mia come to show) and so i've now decided that i will now leave all money at home so i can not buy any food on my lunch breaks or on the way home. This will stop any possible binges happening.

Me and a friend went for a hot chocolate, it wasnt until after i found out it was 372 cals!!!! WAY WAY too many!! I sharnt be having another one, that is a fact. I felt so bloated after it, and its no wonder!! All that fat milk and cream :'(

Other than the hot chocolate id done ok with only 292 cals eaten, and most of that was fruit!! And ive burnt of 660!! Must be in for another loss tomorrow!!

Take care x x

Monday, 4 April 2011


Quote: 'Food hinders your progress'

Omg! I cant actually believe it, i've lost some weight!! The first time in two weeks!! Stepping on those scales and seeing its gone down, brought a smile to my face and set my morning off to a good start.

But then lunch time, my friend gave me a cookie and literally put it in my hand!! I ate it :( and then counter-acted it by taking a couple of lax and doing some walking :) I hope that rechard cookie hasnt damaged my weight!! There will be trouble if it has.

On my way home for work, i was thinking "you've ate a cookie and mucked up, go ahead and continue" so i walked in to the shop, picked up some mini eggs and then sudden thought "WEIGHT GAIN" so i put them back on the shelf and walked out :) i felt so strong, for not giving in and standing my ground to Mia. Good bye Mia!!

So today ive comsumed 701cals (way more than i planned) and burnt off 590!

Stay strong everyone

x x x

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Quote for the day


Day 1 of posting:

Well the day started off completely wrong, comsuming a whole easter egg!! Fat cow, i know!! I couldnt stop myself once i started. But now ive made the whole day on just that, and the thought of any more for is horrible!! I dont deserve any more food.

Family has gone out for a meal and i was invited but turned down the invitation - think of all those extra calories i would have been eating!! And eating extra calories means gaining weight. The opposite of what i am meant to be going.

Take care everyone
Jo x x