Foolish

Quote: The world crashed down around her

Hospital
Wel...im not so sure why i was actually scared. Lol. The lady was so nice and we 'clicked' from the begining. She said she had looked through my file, but thought it was be nice if i could talk her through whats going on with me at the moment....so i spent 1hr talking again (to the 8th person i've seen in 3 yrs) about what is going on with me. She wasnt patronising, wasnt cross/annoyed with me for any of my behaviours and even when i mentioned about the s/h she said if thats one of my ways of coping, for now she can give me infomation on how to keep it 'safe'. I'll be seeing her for 1hr every Tuesday afternoon, hope i continue to 'click' with her. She is similar to my old hospital therapist and i was so sad when she left at christmas :( So it should all work out good.

The man
The conversation goes like this Me "hope the traffic wasnt so bad getting home, was nice to see you again". Him - "haha, no it was fine. Was good seeing you, too". Me - "would you like to meet up again sometime?".........HIM - "i'm sorry, but my life is really messed up right now and i dont think i can bring anyone else in on it. I think you're a great girl, but i've got way too many problem in my head to try to make something work right now"

I dont understand it at all, everything was fine when i saw him that first night and he asked for my number, then when i saw him on saturday it went really well. I feel like he's just played me as a fool!!

Binge/purge and s/h
And because of the above, i completely binged cos i felt so worthless and stupid for allowing myself to even think someone may actually like me. I've had 2000ish calories and only burnt of 600 (cos i dint make the gym), I've purged more times than i want to admit, but because i ate pastry, chocolate, wrap , its not coming up easily so i've taken quite a few lax and water pills. I s/h too, because i then felt horrible with myself for binging when i should have fasted the pain away instead, one day i will learn. Now i know i will be looking at a gain on the scales both tonight and tomorrow morning :'(

Stay strong and skinny
x x