The Wedding

Quote: Put the past behind you and move on forward




Probably 107lb by the time this was took


So, the wedding that i had to wear the blue dress for arrived and on the morning of it i was exactly 105lb and i was very pleased...but then i started to panic for some unknown reason. I kept thinking 'do i look ok?', 'what will people think of me?', 'whats the food gonna be?', 'will people watch me eat?' loads and loads of questions and it then triggered a slight binge and i ended up eating a cheese and bacon pasty (504cals), pineapple jelly (100cals), chocolate croissant (350cals), so i was way way over my cal limit all ready and this was only at 11am!!!

Come the evening when i was at the wedding the had a buffet style thing at 5pm and because people where around i didnt take much (that and i still felt sick from my binge). I had a slice of turkey, 2 new potatoes, tomatoes, cucumber - which is ok. Then MORE food came at 10pm and i had a tiny square of pizza, 2 sausage rolls, piece of quiche and 1/4 pork pie. Not forgetting 3 diet cokes with Malibu and a glass of Buck Fizz!!

All that food a drink made me weight 108.8 the next morning - up a MASSIVE 3.8lb!! I cried and cried. Why do allow myself to binge and put on the weight, yet if someone was to had me something and say "eat this" i wouldnt be able to. I took 12 lax, 6 water pills and 1 OEP yesterday - made me down 0.2lb!! CRAP

I went in to town afterwards with Kim and we were walking to the taxi rank and she decided McDonalds was calling us so we walked to McDonalds (she had food - i stayed clear). While we were walking it was pouring with rain and this random guy asked her offered her his shirt, but he didnt actually have one to give! Lol. Then i said i was cold, and his friend took off his shirt and gave it to me :D We chatted, and i found out he's 23yr, in the military, and has a pent house. I was gonna leave so i gave him his shirt back and he asked for my number!! I gave it to him and he text me last night asking to take me to dinner this weekend!! I said "yeah, im free. That will be really nice". But now...im left thinking 'i really like this guy, but what/how can i eat in front of him?'. Plus i dont want this to trigger another binge and me gain weight before i see him again.

Today has been so much better im on track and not looking back!! Only had 262cals, burnt off 1300 (700 in the gym, 600 through my day) and im not even feeling hungry!! I've just weighed myself this evening and i'm 108.6 (last night i was 110.2) so im down 1.6lb!! GET IN THERE. Exercise is my way to go, with a few lax and water pills of course. I'm going to get through tomorrow on 35cals (jelly - 3, grapes - 32), because i cant get to the gym as im working late. How ever, i will do aerobics in my room :)

Out-patients appointment is only 1wk away, i got the comfirmation letter through on saturday along with a questionnaire for me to fill in and take along with me. I filled it in before so it wont take me long. It has questions like 'how many times in the last 28 days have you....restricted, gone for 8hrs without eating, purged, used laxatives, exercised, binged' and then loads more about 'how do you feel about your shape, weight, not weighing yourself every day'. All joyful things  - not, lol

Hang in there all of you, thank you so so much for all your lovely support! it means so much to me!!

Stay strong and skinny
x x x